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There is NO Debate!

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Tonight A Current Affair aired a report entitled The Great Mum Debate. Right off the mark I began to feel uneasy. For some women, going back to work after having children is not a decision. It’s a necessity – they simply need the money. And even if they didn’t need the money, who is to say that they should stay at home and be the care takers?

One mother claims she’d miss out on all the milestones of her children if she went off to work, while another mother explains that she was a career woman first and foremost, and having children was a hard decision.

One mother feels judged not only by stay-at-home mums, but by society in general. The cost of this choice was  “losing her independence and intellectual stimulation.” This particular mother went back to work for financial stability and to feel like she had a purpose outside of the role of being a mother. Some women would argue that by having children, you do have a purpose; to raise and love your children to be individual and positive people in society. And here is where the debate begins. These two things are not mutually exclusive – you can work and bring up your children. No one ever said you have to be the sole carer 24/7.

On the other hand, one mother believes her job as a mother is far more important than any office job. She goes on to say that working means not being there for her children or being able to spend “precious time” that she needs with them. This same mother believes she’d miss out on lovely conversation with her children and especially bonding with them and not being able to devote all her time to them if she was a working mother. To this, I take offence. Does she think I haven’t bonded with my children because I work? and why is this even up for debate? It’s no one’s business.

Ian Wallace, a child psychologist, says that there have been exhaustive studies as to which is better. He said that “There is no great benefit to stay at home mums or working mums, there is no real solid research that favours one over the other, it’s really about what works for the whole family.” The only thing he does cite as being an issue is the long day care hours children of working mothers have to endure.

Just last week I posted about making no apologies about being a working mother. I spent just over 2 years as a stay-at-home mum after having 3 children (2 of which are twins) and I was so excited to go back to work, 14 months ago. I needed to reactivate my brain, mix with adults that didn’t only talk about kids and I wanted my children to socialise with lots of different kids. I wanted to resume my career, which I had worked so hard to make and I needed to contribute financially to my family to be able to afford the luxuries we had become accustomed to.

I went back to work for me. I was lucky it was my choice. It’s not for anyone else to pass judgement. It works for my family, my marriage and for my children.



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